Cool post on ambition & ENVY from Douglas Eby. Lots of insights, including mention of a title from the 90’s we haven’t yet explored but will — Bonnie Friedman’s Writing Past Dark: ENVY, Fear, Distraction and Other Dilemmas in the Writer’s Life.
Friedman calls ENVY ‘the writer’s disease.’ Yup. 🙂
Thanks to Kim Carlson, who posted Eby’s work on Facebook.
On a lazy Saturday morning a few months ago, I posted something like this as my Facebook status: ‘Enjoying my big mug of coffee with a teaspoon of ENVY.’
Does the endless barrage of smiling good cheer on Facebook make us sad? That’s the question posed in this Slate article— we found it via old friend Terry Baker — on, you guessed it, Facebook.
Some interesting angles in the discussion of Facebook ENVY here. Check it out.
http://www.slate.com/id/2282620/
Interesting post on Salon.com from an escort who writes: To all the girls who ENVY my life…
“There’s something profoundly human about wanting to be sexually valued, and it transcends genders. More than one young man has told me he envies my life, too. I suspect these young men are hinting at the same longing for affirmation as the young women who e-mail me. We all want to know that we matter, and being paid is one way of knowing we have value. It may be inelegant and often impersonal, but because money is quantifiable, its message is indisputable. Where do you go for reassurance if you doubt your physical and sexual desirability? Talk is cheap, so you take cash instead.”
Read the full article “Escort Girl Life” at Salon.com
Last week, Hannah, our social networking guru here at Out of The Blue Films, sent out a tweet which brought to our attention, the latest issue of The L Magazine: The latest edition of this print and online publication aimed at young New Yorkers is titled The ENVY Issue and the cover story is 25 Under 25: Young New Yorkers Who Are Better Than You:
As a New Yorker who is (barely) under the age of 25, I was of course nervous about diving into this list of young men and women who have already accomplished such feats as being published in The New Yorker, earning Oscar nominations, and working as editors of magazines and websites before their 26th birthdays. I knew, however, that I could not pass up taking a look.
The first sentences speak volumes. “What have you done with your life? What white lies, what little exaggerations do you tell yourself and your parents about your fancy life here in the big city?”
Whenever I speak to anyone from my hometown, I’m always surprised by how impressed they are with the fact that I live in New York. “Oh wow, New York! How exciting! You must really be living the dream down there. Is it just like TV and the movies?” It’s a nice feeling, to be honest, and I do kind of like the idea of other young people envying me for the fact that I live in such an exciting place. Of course, this means that I usually have to leave out the details of paying too much for rent, living in an apartment that’s about the size of a closet, working three jobs, and a romantic life that falls somewhere in between “pathetic” and “non-existent.”
The opening sentences of this article struck a little bit close to home, and seeing these successful young men and women staring at me from my computer screen was not exactly what I would call a pleasant experience. At first, I couldn’t make it past number 6 before I had to walk away and do something else to distract me from stewing in my ENVY of Simon Rich, Frank Rich’s 25 year-old son who has already been published in The New Yorker and works as a writer for SNL.
But upon further reading, the article ended up being a bit cathartic. The authors of the article did not merely put out a list of successful young people, but they specifically picked people they envied; and not only that, they encouraged their audiences to embrace their ENVY, wallow in it, then turn it into something positive by using it for motivation. As I was reading, I couldn’t help but think that there was something therapeutic in that. The article, which is written in first person in several places, made ENVY a communal issue. It made it clear that it wasn’t just me who felt pained at reading about others’ quarter-life success, but an entire group of people.
It was a great experience as we continue to work on ENVY the documentary and really made me realize the merits of talking openly about the subject. So many people agonize over their ENVY, but taboo and self-consciousness keep them from really talking candidly about it. Once you’re able to own it, though, and admit “I ENVY,” it really is comforting how many people say “me too.”
One thing Team ENVY has learned so far is that everyone has a story about how ENVY has affected their lives and relationships. And it isn’t just limited to adults either…
The creation of ENVY the documentary recently led us to a local elementary school where we spent some quality time with a third grade class. The kids provided us with some great insight and priceless reactions.
We love this drawing and essay by one of our third grade artists, who was able to capture honestly what so many of us often feel but are afraid to express.
We’ll be sharing more of these wonderful pieces soon!
Another birthday came and went this weekend and ever since I became an adult, this time of year brings a lot less joy and excitement and a lot more anxiety, stress, and (especially this year) ENVY.
I often joke with friends about how difficult it would be to convince a six-year-old that birthdays do, in fact, stop being fun as you get older. Through the eyes of six-year-olds, birthdays look pretty appealing: cake, parties, presents, friends, family, and a whole lot of fun… maybe even one of those big inflatable bouncy castles if they’re lucky. But after the age of 21 or so, birthdays stop being so fun and start to become associated with old age. As the candles get more crowded on the cake, one often begins asking those huge, inevitable life questions: What am I doing? What have I accomplished? What’s my worth? – the questions responsible for the fact that “mid-life crisis” and now “quarter-life crisis” are part of our everyday vocabulary.
From the seeds of self-doubt grow the choking vines of ENVY. But the ENVY that results from aging is especially ugly because it’s the ENVY of the innocent, of youth, of children.
A friend of mine recently told me about one of her co-workers: a musical genius who’s already established, respected, and earning a comfortable living at the ripe old age of 18. He’s not alone either. There have been plenty of “child prodigies” throughout history who secured their status worldwide in arts and sciences before most of us found a prom date. By the age of 8, Yo-Yo Ma had already performed for President Kennedy and on national TV. Blaise Pascal wrote his first scientific treatise at the age of 9. The list goes on…
I was never quite able to put my finger on the emotion that I feel when hearing stories of these Wunderkinds – kind of a mix of disbelief, self-doubt, and anger – until we embarked on this project at Out of The Blue Films. Now, I’m able to recognize it for what it is: ENVY… or, more specifically, that part of ENVY that the Germans so appropriately labeled gluckschmerz – pain at another’s good fortune.
Why is it that these child geniuses make us so full of malice simply by being talented? Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart never did anything to me personally (I never even met the guy!) so why does the fact that he had his professional debut at 6 make feel so awful?
The funny thing is, though, these kid geniuses don’t just make us feel bad, they make us feel the need to detract from their success. “Anyone can be that good if they can afford all those lessons.” “Sure she knew the periodic table by age 3, but she’ll probably never do anything important with it.”
Around birthday time, when we’re especially conscious of our age and accomplishments, ENVY is more present than ever; ENVY of not only the rare child prodigy, but often of kids in general. Once we have no choice but to come to terms with the fact that our youth is over, we start to feel the need to defend it – to convince everyone that our childhood was best, that it was our generation that overcame the worst odds; and that often manifests itself in attacks like:
“Kids today are too soft. When I was a kid, we walked to school in three feet of snow… uphill both ways!”
“Children today are spoiled. When I was young, we never had cell phones or text messages”
“Teens today are so lazy. When I was in high school, we really knew what rebellion meant.”
And on and on and on…
Statements like these may seem innocent, but they’re actually the symptoms of ENVY poisoning.
We ENVY those who have something we want but can’t have. So considering the fact that time may be the one thing we want the most but can absolutely never get back, it’s only natural to direct our deepest ENVY to those that have it in abundance – children.
It’s pretty despicable stuff, if you think about it – feeling the need to detract something from children, feeling contempt for those who are gifted at a young age. But maybe by acknowledging it, we can move past it and try and focus on the positives of growing another year older.
I know at least for me, this year when I blow out my candles, I won’t be thinking “another year, another step towards un-remarkableness.” No, that’s far too bleak, especially for someone my age. It’s time to stop comparing myself to child prodigies or measuring my success as relative to someone else’s. Sure I may have missed the boat on being a Wunderkind but there’s still plenty of time to be a Wunder-adult!
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